The Holding Pattern

I’ve been in a holding pattern lately. To be quite honest this has been the most trying time of my entire life. Not simply because of the pressure and trials themselves but because that pressure has remained constant for an extended period of time, spread out over a multitude of unresolved issues. This season has tested my grit and perseverance. It has made me question what being a man really is.

I have looked for every way possible to find an escape route. I’ve tried to delegate responsibilities, I’ve been saying no a lot more. I’ve even tried searching for a new job. I’ve gone so far as to consider moving to a different city or country. Yet no option that has entailed escaping my current reality has managed to get off the ground.

It’s almost as if God has a reason for me to be here, in all of this right now. So naturally before I even lean into him I have to first question him. Why? Why cant I just have an easy road for a little while? Why have you allowed me to create a life that I feel buried inside of with no escape hatch. Why when I strive to take on the responsibilities bestowed to me do you watch me while I drown.

I know God hears me. I feel like he doesn’t answer on purpose. He is not going to waste his time answering questions I already know the answer to.

The truth is, I asked for this path.

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